Saturday, September 26, 2020

Terima Kasih, Kamu

Hai kamu, iya kamu: Pamela Romauli Tampubolon. Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah sampai sejauh ini. It’s been an arduous journey. Tapi kamu masih bisa tersenyum dan tertawa. Itu anugrah Tuhan. Memang sih kamu masih suka nangis bahkan untuk hal-hal kecil. Nggak apa-apa. Bukan berarti kamu cengeng. Namanya juga hidup, kalau nggak nangis ya ketawa. 

Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah belajar mengendalikan amarahmu. Nggak apa-apa kalau sekali-sekali kelepasan, tapi jangan sering-sering ya, aku nggak mau kamu menghabiskan energimu untuk hal-hal yang bisa merusak dirimu. By the way, ingat untuk selalu makan teratur. Jaga makananmu, jangan jajan sembarangan. Please jaga kesehatanmu. Siapa nanti yang ngurusin kamu kalau kamu sakit? Every body is busy taking care of their lives. Jadi being extra careful about your health is a must.

Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah berani mengambil keputusan. Aku tau, terkadang kamu suka mempertanyakan keputusanmu sendiri hingga membuat kamu nggak bisa tidur di malam hari. Nggak apa-apa. Nggak ada keputusan yang salah. Semua hal ada risikonya. If you fail, learn from it, and then move on. Jangan berlarut-larut dalam kesedihan ataupun penyesalan. Don’t be bitter, honey. Hidup terlalu singkat untuk dihabiskan hanya dengan meratapi nasib. Remember, you are one happy soul.

Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah mencoba membuka hati. Dibohongi, dimanfaatkan, ditidakperdulikan, bahkan ditinggalkan sudah kamu alami. Nggak apa-apa. Bukan berarti kamu tidak berharga. Siapa bilang kamu nggak pantas dicintai? Hati ini buatan Tuhan, seberapa hancurnya pun hatimu, dia akan sembuh dengan sendirinya. Sabar saja. Nikmati proses penyembuhannya. Mungkin lukanya akan membekas di hatimu, tapi at least you ever felt and that’s more important daripada tidak merasakan sama sekali. Jangan takut, tetaplah merindu meskipun hatimu sendu. Kamu akan baik-baik saja.

Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah belajar mendengarkan dan memahami orang lain. Kamu tau bahwa dunia tidak berputar di sekitarmu. Bahwa hidup bukan hanya tentangmu. Ya meskipun kadang-kadang kamu masih suka memaksakan kehendakmu. Tapi nggak apa-apa, namanya juga manusia, tapi jangan sering-sering ya. Ingat, everyone you meet is fighting their own battle you know nothing about. Be kind.

Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah belajar mempercayai dan mencintai dirimu sendiri. Aku tau ini tidak mudah. Tapi lihatlah perubahan baik yang terjadi pada cara pandangmu terhadap kehidupan. Ya mungkin sekali-sekali kamu masih menarik diri. Nggak apa-apa, sayang. Begitulah hidup, terkadang kita mengalami penolakan. Meskipun demikian, tetaplah berpikiran positif ya. 

Terima kasih ya, untuk segala pengalaman yang boleh terjadi dan kesempatan yang berani kamu ambil. Semua ini ditambahkan padamu dan menjadi bagian dari dirimu. Nggak apa-apa kalau kamu merasa takut, itu artinya kamu belajar hal baru. Lama-lama kamu akan bisa dan jadi terbiasa. Tetaplah mencoba dan belajar. 

Terima kasih ya, sudah menjadi dirimu sendiri. Aku tau kamu selalu ingin menjadi seseorang yang disukai semua orang. But even you don’t like everybody. So don’t push it, sweet heart. Nggak apa-apa berusaha menyenangkan orang lain, tapi jangan sampai kamu kehilangan jati diri ya. 

Terima kasih ya, kamu sudah sampai sejauh ini. Berilah tepukan lembut pada pundakmu sendiri. Nggak apa-apa kalau kamu masih merasa jauh dari cita-citamu. Hidup memang seperti itu, kita nggak akan pernah merasa puas. Tapi cukupkanlah dirimu dengan apa yang ada sekarang. Kalau kamu tak bisa berlari kencang, ya sudah jalanlah perlahan-lahan. Nggak apa-apa kalo sekali-kali jatuh atau ingin beristirahat. Keep breathing dan aturlah langkahmu. Nggak usah terburu-buru, dear. Semua di dunia ini masing-masing punya waktu. Yang penting teruslah melangkah ke depan. 

Terima kasih ya, atas segala usahamu. Untuk hal-hal yang nggak bisa kamu dapatkan sekarang, nggak apa-apa. Semua indah pada waktunya. Teruslah berpengharapan dan lakukan yang terbaik. Akan tiba masanya kamu mendapatkan yang selama ini kamu harapkan. Semuanya hanya sejauh doa, kok. Kalau bukan sekarang, ya berarti nanti. Sabar saja. Yang penting kamu jangan lupa bahagia. 

Terima kasih, ya kamu. Aku sayang padamu. 


With Love,

Your inner self




Saturday, March 25, 2017

Dear Soulmate (Love Letter #1)

Dear Soulmate, apa kabarnya kamu?
Baik-baik sajakah dirimu?
Jam berapa sekarang di tempatmu?
Kamu tau, terkadang aku diserang rasa rindu yang tak menentu.
Mungkinkah itu karena kamu?
Sometimes I feel so terribly blue.
I don't know why, I don't have a clue.
Is it possible if you are thinking of me too?
Is there a chance for me to see you?

Dear Soulmate, sedang apa kamu di sana?
Setiap kali memikirkanmu, wajahku jadi merah muda.
Rasanya tidak ada alasan untuk tidak ceria.
I really wish I can be there where you are.
Atau setidaknya jangan biarkan aku menunggu terlalu lama.

Dear Soulmate, aku teramat rindu.
Namun terkadang aku lupa memikirkanmu hingga kurasa kamu pergi semakin jauh.
Dan sering kali aku tak menyapamu hingga kurasa kamu tak tau dimana mencariku.

Dear Soulmate, pernahkan dalam satu masa kita bertemu?
Ataukah waktuku dan waktumu tak pernah bersatu?
Will I know that is really you when we greet?
Will my heart still beat when we finally meet?

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Aku Rindu Mami, Tuhan

Rasanya seperti baru saat dia memanggil namaku: "Pam"
Masih kuingat suaranya, Tuhan.
Masih bisa kuingat tatapannya yg lembut dan sendu malam itu saat dia masih sadar dan bicara padaku.
Kukira dia akan sembuh, Tuhan. Tapi aku ingat, aku sangat takut waktu itu. Ketakutan luar biasa yang aku ga tau kenapa.
Berulang kali aku mohon padamu jangan bawa dia, Tuhan. Aku ga akan bisa kalau dia tak ada. Tapi aku tau aku hanya manusia kecil. 
Lalu saat kau panggil dia, Tuhan. Aku ga terkejut saat itu. Aku sudah tau kau akan membawanya. Tapi aku ga sanggup, Tuhan. Rasanya sakit luar biasa. 
Rasanya semua sendiku ngilu dan kulitku perih setiap disentuh. Rasanya jantungku berhenti memompa darah dan paru-paruku dipenuhi batu. Berat, Tuhan. Aku bahkan kesulitan bernafas. Setiap kali, aku harus menarik nafas panjang, dan rasanya sesak, Tuhan. 
Duniaku berhenti sudah.
Sebagian dari diriku ikut pergi bersamanya.
Lalu tiba-tiba aku tersadar bahwa dia tak ada lagi di sini. Tak ada lagi malaikat pelindungku di dunia ini. Tak ada lagi penguatku saat aku lemah. Tak ada lagi penyemangatku saat aku putus asa. Tak ada lagi penghiburku saat aku kecewa. Tak ada lagi mami.
Aku rindu bercerita padanya, Tuhan. 
Aku rindu memeluknya.
Aku rindu aroma tubuhnya.
Aku rindu kulit lembutnya.
Aku rindu rambut keritingnya.
Aku rindu tawanya.
Aku rindu masakannya.
Aku rindu jalan bersamanya.
Aku rindu energi yang dibawanya.
Aku rindu suaranya.
Aku rindu semua tentang dia.
Aku rindu mami, Tuhan.
Setiap malam sebelum tidur, dia akan menjadi yang terakhir kupikirkan.
Biarlah dia menjadi mimpi indahku setiap malam, Tuhan.
Bila tak bisa aku memeluknya saat terbangun, biarlah aku memeluknya saat tertidur, Tuhan.
Jangan biarkan aku lupa semua tentang dia, Tuhan.
Biarlah setiap detil tentangnya tetap melekat di hati dan pikiranku sampai tiba masaku.
Karena setiap kenangan tentangnya menguatkan aku.
Setiap kali merasa jatuh, mengingatnya memberi penghiburan bagiku.
Setiap kali aku ragu, hanya dengan membayangkan jalan pikirannya, aku bisa memantapkan keputusanku.
Jangan biarkan aku lupa, Tuhan, karena cuma inilah penguatan dan penghiburanku.
Biarkan aku selalu rindu padanya, Tuhan, karena cuma itulah rasa yang tinggal padaku.
Tak ada kemarahan, Tuhan. Tak ada kebencian. Tak ada juga kesedihan. Yang ada cuma rindu, Tuhan. Biarlah tetap begitu.
Beri aku penghiburan, Tuhan. Karena cuma di dalammu, aku mampu.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Will it be merry?

There are times when i don't want this christmas to come
It's not that i hate it, i just don't want it to come
I want to go back to where we started it but then it will mean that i must go through the hardest part again
I can't do it, Mi
It's just too hard
But if i let this christmas come, there will be so much distance between your presence before and my life time now
I will miss you too much that i can't breath
It's just too hard, Mi
I don't know where should i go
Stay in the past or keep moving to the future?
I miss you till it hurts
I try to stay in touch with the world but all i want is to hold you
Part of me has died since then
It's like a never ending nightmare
If only i can let it go
I have tried, Mi
I am trying to stay alive
I am trying to laugh and love again
But the world seems like a big crowded place with me alone in the middle
I survive but i am in pieces
The further the distance, the harder it will be
I don't want this christmas to come 
At least not now
Will it be merry too when there is no you?


Sunday, August 10, 2014

Love Letter to Mami

Dear Mami,

Hi mom, how's there in heaven? I heard that it's a very beautiful place. Is that true that people look better and they smile every day? How do you like it there?

We are doing okay, mom. Don't worry.
I have cured my kitchen desease. I cook once in a while. It doesn't taste like one of yours but it's edible. Sort of. 
Papi is as healthy as a young man. Strong and cheerful as always. Don't worry about him, he's fine.
Have you seen Baby Ru? She looks like you. And Ninot's place is big and beautiful. I like it here. 
Do you know that wite cite is like a flower surrounded by bees lately? Yes, she is, eventhough her nose looks like being stung by one of them.
And your Tondi, you won't believe it but he's no more cute fat spoiled baby boy we used to know. He's a young man now. You will be proud, mom.

Be happy there, mom.
Do your angel job, the thing that you were very good at.
God summoned you for another big job, angel.
The world and heaven need you.
Go ahead, mom. It's okay.
Don't worry about us, we'll be fine.

Btw, please tell God to send me more strength, mom.
Sometimes it feels that i'm running out of power to move on.
But don't worry, i'm fine.
See, i still can smile and laugh like there's no hell.
I still can even crack a joke.
I'm fine, mom.
But tell God, a little more strength will do me better.
Just a little more.

Sometimes i look above, seeking the signs of you, is that possibility that you become one with the energy of the universe, mom? 
Are you one with the air that i breath? Or with the soft breezy wind blows that play my hair and kiss my face? 
Are you one with the stars, mom? Are you one with the sun? Are you there when it shines to the world and give me warm hug every morning i wake up? Or with the stars that look bright in the dark sky and stay with me till i sleep at night?
Are you one with silence, mom? Are you there when i stay still and feel the world is very quiet sometimes?
Are you one with us, mom? Are you there when we gather and laugh and cry? 

Mom, when we meet again one day, will you still recognize me?
It's been so long and i'm afraid that my new hair cut and my new wrinkles will make you think that i'm a different person. 
Mom, will you find me when i come to you one day?
How can i recoqnize you in the crowd?
Will you hear my voice when i call you?
Will you notice me among others?
Will you still remember me?
Will you know my name?
Will we be together again?

I miss you, mom. So much.
I love you.


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Episode 29

Terima kasih, Tuhan
For every oxygen i can still breath for free
For every beautiful things i am still able to see
For the job i can still handle every day
For the home i am still able to stay
For family i can still turn to
For friends i can still come to
For best buddy i can still count on
For every chance i can carry on

Terima kasih, Tuhan
Untuk setiap kesempatan yang diberikan padaku, meski hanya sementara, namun bagiku terasa sangat indah

Terima kasih, Tuhan
Untuk setiap hal baru yang mungkin pada awalnya terasa sangat membingungkan, but you gave me strength so i can take care of it

Terima kasih, Tuhan
Karena telah memberikan pengalaman baru yang luar biasa menyenangkan dan jauh lebih indah daripada yang pernah kubayangkan sebelumnya. It might not go for long, but i have no regrets for i know that God will open the way when there seems to be no way

Hanya dalam Tuhan saja hatiku tenang, karena Dia lah harapanku.
Terima kasih, Tuhan, atas setiap kelegaan dan pelukan di setiap air mata.
Tujiche.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Jaga Dia Untukku, Tuhan

Jaga dia untukku, Tuhan
Stay with him when he's bored
Hug him when he can't sleep at night
Touch his heart when he feels lonely
Grip his hands when he feels empty
Accompany him when he is far away from home
Help him take care of himself
Remind him to be good and always do good
Give him light when he's in the dark
Provide him a cure when he hurts
Supply his needs when he's in pain
Shower him with mercy when he's in trouble
Hold him when he feels guilty
Cover him when he's cold

Jaga dia untukku, Tuhan
Even when he didn't ask me to stay
He let me go but what can I say
I will recover my fragile heart
It takes million tears but I'll be alright
Maybe he's scared and afraid
Or maybe he'd just forget
But I'll save what we ever had

Jaga dia untukku, Tuhan

Sunday, October 6, 2013

I Miss You

Today i woke up to a memory of that morning
I remember how you stood in front of the gate with your morning smile and those heart taken eyes
It took me to so many memories i shouldn't have recalled
The unfinished to do list that is unbearable for me to see
The sacred place where we used to sit and enjoyed the day with love, talks and laughters
The road and highway where you used to drive me
The moment when i used to put my head on your shoulder and smell the soothing scent of you
The feeling of being safe when your voice can make all the fear go away
The comforting bliss when you hold my hand
The moment when you called me for hours gave a pleasant feeling that you're there with me even if we were actually seperated miles away
The heartbreak when you just kept silent
The pain when you changed in a sudden
The confusing tears that kept me awake so many nights
If only I knew what's in your mind
I couldn't hang on anymore
But I miss you

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Thank You For Those Moments

You suddenly came to my life one day
It gave me hope that your coming is an answer to my pray
I had been dreaming of being in love
It was like bursting but so tender and soft
All the things i had said and thought of did come true
It was all brought by you
I thought we were meant for being together
I thought that we did love each other
Because i asked God first if it's really you
I thought He had answered me too
Because then i couldn't stop thinking of you
And when you're far, i couldn't stop missing you
I started giving you my heart
I started sharing you my life
I started mentioning you in my prayer
I did it everyday
Everyday
Everyday
But then the sun shone too bright
I thought it was the heat that cause it broke a part
The music of ours stopped playing one day
I tried to sing it helplessly but you finally stopped singing today
I didn't understand
I thought it might be the lyric that you might have forgotten
Your answer couldn't come to my sense
Had you lost our love essence?
Didn't you save a little of our sweet memory?
Didn't you remember a bit of our melody?
If love means being completed by another, then why i feel alone now?
If love can save, then why i lost?
If love keeps you alive, then why i die inside?
If love gives you courage, then why i'm afraid?
If love fixes a person, then why i am here?
So i made mistake? Tell me
You made mistake. Listen to me
We can fix our mistakes together
When we grew up, we didn't know each other
But couple in love can grow old together
If you had doubt about our future, then why should i save today?
If you couldn't see how much i care, then why should i continue this way?
I thank God for giving me those precious moments i ever had with you
If it didn't work, don't stop praying for only God knows the truth of life
I wish you health and faith
Be good there, wherever you are
If you can't sleep at night, close your eyes and remember of being in a hug
If you feel bored and lonely, go outside, don't just stay there watching tv
You will always stay in my memory
Whatever we ever had, it's a lesson of life
Just because it didn't work, doesn't mean we didn't try
Maybe our hearts belong to another
Or maybe it's just a game of life
So goodbye darling
Let's live our own life from now

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Sailing Boat

Sailing boat, where have you been all this time?
This is not a quest, but i have been waiting for you to berth on mine
Boats come and go, still i haven't seen you among them
Where on earth are you now? 
What is taking you so long?
What is holding you?

Sailing boat, the weather is just fine
I know it's stormy sometimes but there's always a light to guide you here
I know it seems that we are so far away but have faith that i am always near
I know it may be such an arduous journey but there's nothing for us to fear
When it's dark and you're stuck, believe that we'll find each other finally
I know it's crowded here but there's a space i have saved for you with me

Sailing boat, take your time
Don't rush for we know it won't be wise
I can wait for you a million times
I know that the sun will always shine
The same goes like i know that you will come

Sailing boat, don't stop tracking me
I also don't stop wanting you to find me
I always send you a little prayer
i wish you hear every whisper

Sailing boat, are you coming home now?
Shall i save you a little smile?
I don't know if it's really you or it's just another boat
But i will know it once you berth