CATATAN AKHIR TAHUN: "IT'S BEEN AMAZING"

2011 is going to be a history.

I remember in the first of this year, I was a new awkward girl in a big place and had no idea how things run in there. But I was extremely happy and exciting as well. It was my first time and already felt like home in that new place called office (well it still feels like home till now). Partners like siblings, bosses like parents, uncles and aunts. 
Every morning I woke up and smiled to a new happy day. Working felt like doing hobbies (and it still does till now!). I never spent a day without laughing and smiling. There’s no such thing like “Damn, it’s Monday” but it’s more like “Oh yeah!! It’s Monday!!”. 
We don’t call our legal department “a workplace”. Instead, we call it a “playground”. We don’t assume ourselves “working”, but more like “having fun”. I feel safe and comfortable every time I’m being around my working partners (which I call them “The Fun-taste-tic 6). Our craziness and our idiocy stuffs have been a cure and a reason to laugh and feel better for each of us whenever burden of works almost drawn us. Our own jokes are like a specific code that no one knows and understands except us. It’s like we’re talking in the language that only we know. It’s like we’re living in our own world and running our own company. 
I’m so grateful that I’m one of the luckiest people in the world for having you guys there with me.

I remember the bitter scene too. That was the moment when I was left. 
I always wish someone really want to be with me, not because I asked them to, but because both of us want to, naturally. 
Chuck Bass says that in the face of true love, you don’t give up even if the object of your affection is begging you to. I also ever heard that if you really love someone, you better let them go. If they come back, then they’ll be forever yours. He left me and never came back. 
I cried for weeks for something that didn’t belong to me for the first time. It’s dramatic. Yeah, I know it’s silly but you might do the same if you thought you had made a wrong decision to do what those two quotes said. I was just afraid of being lonely for I used to have him to tell me funny story. 
But then I realized, it just didn’t mean to be for the first time. What I felt was not true. So I let go. 
Thanks God I did that because I was meant for another, and so was he. If I hadn’t let go, I might not fall for another and that would be a huge mistake in the future. 
I learn that sometimes in life we need to let go something to let other thing come in. I call it “Gold necklace philosophy”. 
However, days that I had been through with him as the clown for me was in a proper condition to be thank for.

I found my long lost childhood buddy this year! 
Well, we didn’t actually meet but it can be arranged in the future. He and I were best friends when I was so little, maybe I was 7 year-old at that time. 
I remember he used to accompany me when my sisters and his siblings were busy with things we didn’t even care about. We were calm kids and didn’t like race. 
There was a moment when both of us spent a day by only sitting or walking around my mom’s orchid garden and talked about stupid things (if he ask me what we were talking about at that moment, I can tell him but both of us will die laughing). 
Sometimes the two of us would take a ride on our bike and went around the plantation house complex till it was time to take the afternoon bath. Sometimes when we were playing games, my elder sister and his elder brother would let us be partner so that we didn’t block them to be a winner. 
It was a miracle for me when in the end I found him. We talk about lots of things, but never about the past. Sometimes I wonder whether he still remembers those funny childhood memories with me. Sometimes I wonder whether he and I are those same little awkward kids we used to be. Sometimes I wonder whether we are still best friends like we used to be. 
I realized sometimes when best friends grow older, they grow apart and somehow they become strangers to each other.

There’s also times when I was addicted to everything about work and my office. I couldn’t say no to everything about it. 
I went to work very early in the morning. I never called home. I spent weekends, spare times, and holidays with office friends. I came home late every working day. At home, I chatted with my working buddies by mobile phone. 
It happened for such a long time till one day I realized that I had been away from my home too long. My parents told me that we lived in the same house but somehow it seemed that I wasn’t there anymore. 
Have you ever felt so dilemma about two things you love so much? I couldn’t pick which one. 
But then I realized. My office is like a second home to me but apparently it won’t last for the rest of my life. It has a limited access to be part of it. But my family is me. It will stay in me forever. It’s in the blood. Sometimes I may want to get away from them (you know that family is not always fun, sometimes they can be so annoying though), but no matter what happen and who I turn to be, they’re always there for me. Even when I become a monster and everything turns ugly, they never leave me. They may not superheroes or the coolest person on earth, but somehow in a hard time, being with them is the best feeling you can get.

In this year also, my old man got the bitter of life. Well, life has a great power to knock people down, even the strongest one. 
Seeing him in painful is tearing me apart. I know, inside that weak body, there lives a strong soul. 
He may not be able to lift the water gallon anymore, or building a desk for us, or changing the bulb on the ceiling, or cleaning the pool, or feeding the cock, or driving us, or riding on his motorbike anymore. But he’s still my hero. 
Everybody can have a dream. But my dream is pursuing his dream. The journey to reach out our dream will be tough, difficult and nothing is easy. But I will do it for love. I don’t mind if my decision will make me feel lonely. I learn that if you do something with your heart for the good purpose, you will get the result twice better.

Then there was a story when this person came into my life. Somehow, for a silly cute reason, the number 12 and 3 are now like my favorite numbers that always give me accidental romantic signs. Dramatic, I know. He’s not a stranger though. We are friends already, a close one, but it was so long ago that I’m hardly sure that he ever remembered me before (and the truth is, so did I). 
On one fine day in the middle of this year, we went out and spent that night with laughter. He didn’t know I was in a black mood due to Tero’s accident and a little silly misunderstanding argument with my friend’s girlfriend. But that night, I didn’t know how, he managed to change my mood. 
After that day, he asked me out for a couple of times. Hot chocolate, coffee, plaza, long talks, laughter, jokes, encouragements, attentions, dinner, lunch, future thoughts, fears and tears. Through all of those things, suddenly I fell for him. Silly, I admit it. 
I don’t know why I let him get me. I don’t have to ask for funny stories when I am down or sad. It seems that he has it in him. No matter what mood I was that day, every chance we had a conversation, he could manage to make me at least smile. 
There was one time when I cried too much, worried about scary things that would happen to dad. I didn’t show it in office for I didn’t want them to see me fall apart. I didn’t want to talk about it with buddies for I’m scared I’ll burst in tears. 
Suddenly he came at night just before I went to sleep. We talked and finally I let my tears rolled down. I wish he was by my side at that time so I could have a real shoulder to cry on. But his comforting words already made me relief. It didn’t stop till there, it worked like magic how he pulled me out of my sadness and gave a smile back to my face. He even made me laugh at that time. 
Every night I pray to God, asking Him to let him stay with me. If only I could say to him that he’s not popcorn to me, he’s more like chocolate that always can make me happy. 
It’s sad that we’re getting further these days. I know that I shall prepare myself for the worst part, but is it wrong if I still save one hope? I learn that I must always have hope, faith and love for those three can make things happen like miracle.

In 365 days, I have been learning lots of things. I learn that time is the best cure for everything. I learn that best friend is not the one who is with you longer, but it is the one cares about you and knows you better to understand what’s important to you.

Well, I still have extra fat in my body, I still have acne on my face, and I still remain single till the end of this year. But 2011 has been such a great year for me. It is not perfect, but it’s been amazing.

For everyone who has been taking a part in my 2011 stories, thank you. 
Thanks to those who made me cry in pain, you made me a stronger person. Thanks to those who love me, you’ve made my heart bigger. Thanks to those who were worried about me, you let me know that you actually care. Thanks to those who left me, you made me realize that there’s a reason why people stayed in our past. Thanks to you who could put a smile on my face, even made me laugh, just when I was drawn in tears and covered with fear.

Thanks to all of you for entering my life, you’ve made me who I am today. You guys are one of the best things that ever happened in my life and I’m so blessed for your presence. I pray that we’ll be bounded by love, friendship and mercy in God’s bless for another chance of life.

Last but not least, welcome 2012.

P.S.: For those who know yourself after reading this note, please don’t take me for granted, for it took such a lot of courage for me to post it here so you can see :D