THIS IS IT

Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 7:19am

There are many times i don't trust myself. i feel like wrapped in a transparent plastic and watch the glorious world in front of me with the limit i have. i can't free myself from that plastic because i am afraid "the outside" will hurt me directly. so i just watch, i don't touch and i don't let anyone touch me because i am afraid i can't go back to the comfort zone i have been in so many years.

and sometimes i feel like trapped in a bubble, flying high to and fro above some others, without any direction where i want to go. i don't feel save though, because the bubble is breakable that i can free fall on a hard surface any time and hurt myself in the end.

most of the times i feel like waiting for something behind a door. I fidgety sit on my seat and hold my breath. but i am too scared to see what coming my way. i am afraid something that i don't want knock on my door or come in without any permission. So i lock the door and keep the key for myself.

But that's enough. Because of that, many times i missed something precious. Because of that, most of the times i cry and feel sorry for myself. So this is it. Today, i will unwrapped myself, break the bubble and open the door. Maybe I will feel the pain, being hurt, and cry my eyes out. but i will live without wondering how or what if and i am not going to miss one single precious thing anymore, ever.

I LOVE YOU, SILLY

Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 8:17pm

How many times you catch me in the act watching you with a big grin on my face, staring at you as if my eyes are sticking on you?

never? well, try to pay more attention, and you will see it more often.

How many times you realize that i try to be with you, even do silly things, just to be near you? not once? well, try to be more open, and you will feel more often.

How many times you notice that i like talking to you, laughing with you, and being silly with you? I hope that time freezes (or if it can't, just hoping that it moves much slower) when we are together, so that i can be with you in an endless perfect moment or just to be with you much longer.

How many times you feel that i adore you? you make me smile when i am sad, you lift me up when i was down, and you help me to hang in there in my hardest time to bear. Do you know that you have been acting like my hero? and the hero goes on in every moment in my life... You have been spreading the spore of love in the air that i take to breath. slowly but sure, it grows in my heart, and is in the bloom of blossom...

and each time i speak your name, my heart beats in a weird way. it is like my heart is thumped. Have you ever listened to the sound of it? I remember one day you asked me why i looked different. I was speechless, couldn't make any answer. How i wish the rain would fall and disguised my tears that was about to roll.

"Because I love you, Silly." I whispered, but you couldn't hear any word.

I GOT A HERO IN YOU

Thursday, November 5, 2009 at 3:39am

I may think that I am strong and able to handle huge things. I feel good about myself and do whatever I think is right. I go straight where my feet bring me to and think that my intuition will show me the way. I look forward as if there will be no turning back. I keep my dreams alive because I believe that my dream is what i want to live in. I trust myself. I have faith about what i will do and get. I have God to keep me save.

But it is an arduous journey that i am going through. I may not be able to take care of myself all the time. Sometimes I may burst into tears and cry my eyes out till dawn falls. I may fall into some silly action and stupid reaction. I may bring out the best in me for some idiot reason. Worst, I may hurt myself and can't manage to heal it back. But I may not lead myself to the same dreadful dead-end.

Because every time i sink in to the situation, you come to me, sprinkling the dust of happiness whenever i am blue, bringing back my soul whenever i am lost, grabbing my hand whenever i am confused, hugging my heart whenever i am sad, giving a hand whenever i feel heavy, blowing kisses whenever i am in the dumps, smiling at me whenever i feel that the world turn its back on me. Good heavens, I may got a hero in you!

APPERTAIN TO YOU

Saturday, July 4, 2009 at 7:06pm

i feel like standing on a great horrible quicksand

and there's no grip for my hand

it gulpes me with no concession

queasy thought gets me frustration

it chains me with compulsion

it saddles me with compunction

the gloom holds me tight

i doggedly fight

but you handcuff me with your passion

and you fetter me with your devotion

my heart pumps fast

i push at full blast

i go against the grain

i don't care if that makes me in pain

i will take it if that what i obtain

but you nourish my body and soul

and you cuddle me when i start to howl

you hear me when i yelp

and you're always there to help

so to you, i shall apprise

that i will give you myself as a sacrifice

because it's only in your peaceful embrace

i can find my comfort and solace

10 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

Monday, March 30, 2009 at 1:00am

if an angel comes in my way and ask me my last wishes before i go, i will give this to-do-list:

1. travel to places i ever wish to go

so i can make a sign: pamela tampubolon was here.

2. try to fix things i messed up

3. apologize to people i hurt

4. forgive the sinner

5. spend more time to do good things to others

so i can go straight to heaven.

6. spend more quality time with family

7. have more fun with friends

so i will be memorable.

8. have my stories published

9. make a movie

so they can keep me for so long.

10. tell a certain some one how i love him so much

so he will know.