THIS IS IT

Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 7:19am

There are many times i don't trust myself. i feel like wrapped in a transparent plastic and watch the glorious world in front of me with the limit i have. i can't free myself from that plastic because i am afraid "the outside" will hurt me directly. so i just watch, i don't touch and i don't let anyone touch me because i am afraid i can't go back to the comfort zone i have been in so many years.

and sometimes i feel like trapped in a bubble, flying high to and fro above some others, without any direction where i want to go. i don't feel save though, because the bubble is breakable that i can free fall on a hard surface any time and hurt myself in the end.

most of the times i feel like waiting for something behind a door. I fidgety sit on my seat and hold my breath. but i am too scared to see what coming my way. i am afraid something that i don't want knock on my door or come in without any permission. So i lock the door and keep the key for myself.

But that's enough. Because of that, many times i missed something precious. Because of that, most of the times i cry and feel sorry for myself. So this is it. Today, i will unwrapped myself, break the bubble and open the door. Maybe I will feel the pain, being hurt, and cry my eyes out. but i will live without wondering how or what if and i am not going to miss one single precious thing anymore, ever.