Episode 28: Bring It On!

Yes, there were times i was so scared when this year is going to finish its 365 days.
I was so scared because I was worried for I haven't done with all my to do list.
It's not all checked.
There's still some squares with no tick inside and I was afraid that I'll never finish it.
There's 365 days in one year and I thought that I would be a failure if I couldn't finish it before this year ends.
I was still scared till today.
I realized that I have been given so much, even more than I ever asked and it's beyond my imagination.
I rewind my memory, back to previous years, I know that my life has gone up to the next level.
This is where I know that I'm not just getting older but I also have grown up this year.
Life has touched me with so many beautiful moments and I thank God that I had a chance to share them all with so many people.
Yes, I still cry at hard times, but it doesn't mean I'm still the same weak person inside.
I'm not stronger, I'm just being maturer.
Does it wrong to cry if it makes a mature woman be able to stand tall?
It's okay if you get me wrong by these tears and said that I'm just like a baby, but you see, even with all those tears, a baby never whines.
Crying is just the way to show the feelings inside that can't be described in words.
Me, I don't like saying what I want.
I find it's hard to describe what I feel.
So, I start to describe how it feels like.
Tears help me clean the mood.
So yes, if you don't mind, I will still cry till next year.
Even with all hard times that mostly punched me on the face, still I have been given so much more to thank for.
I thank God for opening my eyes and knocked on my head so I could realized that 3 was not meant to be waited for.
I learn that even if you keep praying for something you really want but if God said that it's not what you need, then it will never be yours.
Keep having faith that yours is out there somewhere and is waited for you to get.
I thank God for letting me have a little fun with destiny.
I realized that sometimes we need to let our heart beat for something it likes even if it's not right, so that you know how life can be so silly yet enjoyable sometimes.
In one condition, you must know the limit. Don't let yourself fall too deep.
I thank God for letting this little angel join our little family.
Every moment she spends is a miracle to be grateful for.
My heart beats faster everytime I hold her close to my chest.
Her smile, her tears, her laughter, her claps, her eyes and everything about her is love.
I thank God for letting me have this baby. 
Well, she's not mine biologically but technically she's my baby.
I thank God for the "stabbing" from someone out there who finally made me realized that I'm better than whatever she thinks about me and I know that I deserve so much better.
She may think that she had hurt me but she'd better know that words can't let me down.
I'm not a saint, nor a sinner. So excuse me if my words killed you a little inside.
I thank God for finally letting me share my moment with this person who has a heart of a knight.
Call me an opportunist, but am I a sinner if this moment shared heal me from the affliction caused by 3 and Monkey?
Is it wrong to enjoy every moment moreover if it makes you happy even if this happiness sounds insensible to others?
I'm just happy that I finally get to share one moment in my life with someone I adore so much for keeping my head off the rain.
I thank God for this family who never leave me behind no matter how hard the situation is.
Family takes care of each other.
Mine is not the best in the world but they are perfect for me.
I thank God for making me who I am today.
My to do list may not be checked all but it's okay.
I have faith that God will let me finish it in time.
I know that I will be given so much more then why should I'm worried?
I may be getting older, I may stay single till this year ends, I may still behave like a kid sometimes, I may still like crying, I may stay weird and pour every feeling on a post like this, but I'm grateful for everything I have and share in my life.
I may have simple and silly life but to me, it is precious and I treasure it for sure.
I thank God for this year and everything I had in it for 365 days.
2012 has been amazing and it's well done for me.
So I'm welcoming the new year.
I'm so ready for another adventurous moment in my life.
Bring it on.

Dear, sir.

Do you believe in coincidence, sir?
I don't.
I think everything happens for a reason.
All simple things create a chain reaction that can lead us to something big that is about to happen in the future.
We'll never be able to figure out where this reaction lead us to.
But that's the beauty.
You'll never imagine how traffic jam, red lights, sudden breaks, and even a bad day in the office could lead me to you, sir.
Isn't the mistery of the universe ravishing?

Do you believe in miracle, sir?
I do.
I believe that miracle happens everyday.
The moment we breathe, a second chance we get, rainy days and heat, good persons we meet and even smiling faces we greet.
I think eveyone's good deeds will be someone else's miracle, don't you think, sir?
And i believe that yours happened to be one of mine.
Your first greeting and everything since then has been a rapturous moment for me.
Everything in that moment is being kept in mind as a keep sake and a memory.
Every conversation is a mood booster and a medicine for a dull day.

Do you believe in story, sir?
There are times when life is not always fun.
Just like when the rain keeps on falling down on me.
Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, that I do.
But it doesn't love me back.
Then there was one moment when this someone came and keep the rain off my head.
That was one moment when I saw a person with a heart of a knight.

Do you believe that good things come to those who wait, sir?
Well, I do. I really do.
I've been waiting like thousands hours just to be seen by you.
These thousands hours worth a priceless moment shared with you.

So here's your Christmas gift, sir.
My gift is my post and this one is only for you.
This gift may seem less than my small change but I bet you can't buy this with your big one either.
Though you may say talk if I want to talk to you, but this class 4 is 7 far away from class 11.
I can hardly catch up with you, especially with the rule #1 connected with you.

Do you believe in words that come out from the heart, sir?
This is one of them.
For all that you did for me, sir, thanks for having a heart of a knight and keep the rain off my head.

When It Comes To Reality

It crushes you so bad that you can hardly breath.
It feels like every bones is shaking that you can hardly stand still.
What is this pain that makes every nerve is breaking?
You hold your chest because it feels like the heart is bursting.
You fall apart because every cell of you is aching.
You die a little inside that you keep going on fainting.
It hurts so bad that you feel like every part of you is falling.
Well, it may torture me.
But again, I survive the pain.
Everyday is a struggle to hide this kind of  strange feelings.
Sometimes I almost fail, but again I manage to keep it together .
No one needs to know, not even myself.
I lie to me just so I can go back to my senses and won't be in that contagious and continuous pain.
But how can people lie to themselves when they also keep the truth in their heart?
All I need is a pain killer but how can it cure me if it will kill myself in the end?
Because I am the pain.
I am the cause why it always rain and thunder breaks heart.
I don't need people see me with their dewy eyes and be friends with me just because they want to make themselves feel better.
Stop the drama.
Because as you can see, with all those things I am having inside, I still can make you see me look like a happy person with a wide big smile on my face and a nice friendly figure.
So I don't need you feeling sorry.

I don't need heroes.

I don't need your charity as well.

I don't even need a protector.

Because when it comes to reality, all I need is a true friend.