Pi, do you still remember when we made our desk together?
You let us choose the wood, you let us paint, you even let us design however we wanted it to be.
How i wish we took the picture of that desk.
I haven't seen that kind of desk in any furniture shop till now.
Remember we went to the carpenter to have the wood cut?
Remember we went to find the glass for it?
I still remember when you worked on it in our garage, day and night, eventhough you're busy with work, you still found time to finish it.
I remember when finally the desk done. I was so exciting, and together we lifted it to my bedroom.
I used that desk for years.
It helped me study since elementary till i made it to university.
Then years gone by, and the desk were not fit in my bedroom anymore.
No more space for such a big twin desk.
You asked me to let it out and threw it away.
Pi, did you know i was actually sad about it?
But then you replaced it with your own desk and it made my heart even merrier.
Pi, do you still remember when i was about 7 and it was school holiday?
Grandparents came from Medan to take us with them for a vacation.
You said it was such a good idea for us to go to town.
No one asked me whether i really wanted to go or not
So i was just sitting there in the car.
Grandparents told us that we would have so much fun in Medan.
It was holiday, but all i ever wanted at that time was spending my vacation at home.
I remember you were standing outside with mami.
Kak Lini was waving at you while i was sitting there like a statue.
I remember you came closer to the window of the car where i was sitting beside at.
I didn't want to look at you and you knew already that i was angry.
I remember you said: "Kibo, look at me, dear. You'll be home soon, okay? Now wave at us."
So i looked at you and suddenly i burst into tears.
I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay.
But i just couldn't say it so i just watched you further and further and further.
Pi, do you remember when i was about 8 and i acted like a boy?
My favorite games were climbing, bicycling, playing marbles and wars, being a pirate or a pilot.
My best friends were boys and my elder sister was such a tomboy.
Do you remember when i like climbing the wall in our terrace?
It was a small one, only about 1 meter but i loved challenging myself to climb it and jump from it.
So one day, i climbed and my feet were on the air already.
Suddenly i lost my grip and almost fell.
I closed my eyes because of the fear.
But suddenly i was held and you put me on the ground again.
I didn't know you were there and watching me since the first time i climbed and did stupid things on the wall.
Remember when i liked rocking the chair as if it was a rocking chair?
I rocked it forward and backward to and fro.
Mami kept on yelling so that i stopped doing it but i didn't care.
I kept on rocking and rocking till i lost my grip and i fell down.
It bumped me so hard to the floor.
I was shocked but i didn't cry.
Then i realized that you were not there, pi.
I finally learned that you couldn't be there for me all the time.
Pi, remember when i was 10 and the school wanted to send me to a competition?
Mami didn't give me a permission because she thought that i couldn't handle it, besides, it was too far from home.
I asked you, pi. But you said that i must listen to her.
So i was there, crying by myself on the couch while everyone was busy in their room and outside.
Suddenly my hair was rubbed gently and i heard your voice telling me that if i wanted it then you would take me there.
Mami was right. I couldn't handle it. I lost the competition and it seemed like a waste of time.
But if i hadn't gone there to compete, i would have never experienced how it felt to give an effort to achieve something.
Pi, do you still remember when i was about 14 and my favorite band was seldom played on tv?
I was so in love with Collective Soul because i thought that they were so cool.
I asked mami to buy me their cassette but she said that it was a waste of money and energy.
I was so sad at that time but i didn't say anything again.
I was just sitting there in silent.
But then you took your car key and said: let's go buy your cassette.
How many fathers in this world will do that to his little teenage girl who' s in period to change from childhood to adult?
Pi, do you remember that i seldom saw you since i stayed in Medan?
You were home only for once or twice in a month.
I hated it how distance could make me miss you.
You used to go back at night when we were ready to sleep.
Everytime you had to go back to your work, i prayed to God to see you again in the morning.
But you always knew how to make us not worried.
Pi, do you remember when i just knew how to drive?
I drove you here and there but you didn't let me drive more than 20km/hour.
I laughed and said that even a snail was faster than us.
But you told me that the most important thing in driving is you were one with your car.
I bumped your car a few times in the progress.
But you just laughed and said that each wound was a lesson learnt.
Pi, do you remember when we started to quarrel a lot?
I said things that hurt you and you said things that made me cry.
I would stay in my room, crying.
You would stay in the terrace, thinking.
How could that happen to us, pi?
What was wrong with me and what made you so angry?
Dont let that storm come to us again, pi.
Pi, remember when i was 24 and wanted to go to Jakarta?
Mami said she believed that i would get a better job here in Medan, but i refused to listen to her.
You told me that i was a big girl already and you believed that i could handle everything.
It was a struggle there.
I cried every night but in the morning, i fought with a smiling face.
Mami was right.
I summoned to go home.
But if i hadn't gone to Jakarta and experienced how it felt to be out of my comfort zone, i would have never grown tougher and wiser.
Mami might think that smart people learn from other's experiences. It will save your time and energy for something big in the future and there will be more victory.
But you know that i am an adventurer, pi. Why wouldn't i experience them all so that i know how life really is?
Pi, remember when you read a newspaper and told me that there's a vacancy that suits me there?
I was not in the mood but your spirit brought back the flame of struggling.
So again, i fought.
It was not easy for me. Life was playing a trick on me.
I cried for the lost and the truth beneath.
At that moment, you finally realized that sometimes even a hero couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes.
Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that you just can watch me growing up and support whatever i fight for.
Pi, remember about our difficult time in 2011?
That little room in that hospital became our sacred place.
We spent more time in there than in our own home.
The hardest part was watching you unconscious, pi.
I remember when mami told you not to fold your fingers on your chest, and if you needed to do that, you had to lift one of your fingers up.
It was funny how seeing one of your fingers up could make us relief because it gave a sign that you were still awake and alive.
Remember that we hated it when it was 10 pm? Because it was the time for us -your children- to go home.
It broke my heart everytime we left you there.
Home felt so cold without you and mami.
But for us, home is when we are together.
so, in there, in our little sacred place, we laughed, we shared stories, we cried, we prayed, and we held on to each other.
A father is always be a father.
And her daughter, no matter how much i have grown up, i always like being treated like a child sometimes.
Remember when i told you about my stupidity?
Mami said: "if it's your fault, then it's your fault. I will never correct you and you must learn from your mistake."
But you said to me: "i don't care if you are right or wrong. If someone hurt you, i will break their neck."
Then we laughed together and created a script how we would start a fight and what weapon we would use.
Papi, i remember that you can't hide it if you are worried about me.
Everytime i go home very late at night, you will always wait for me even though your eyes are very heavy.
Everytime Tero and i get a hit, you will always be the first to pat my back or rub my hair gently.
You don't say a word at all, but it always comfort me.
Let's welcome your birthday, pi.
I wish you so much more than everything a child can wish.
Thank you for always trying to make me feel your love, pi.
Thank you for making the world outside like a playground to me.
If i am meant the world to you, then i wish you all the happiness in the world.
Even though you are getting older and i am getting stronger, know that you will always be my hero.
And if one day i meet someone to share my life with, know that you will always be first love.
And if one day we start to quarrel again, know that i will always love you.
Happy birthday, papi.
You're my hero, my first love. I love you.
