Do You Love Me, Dear G?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 6:17pm

sometimes i tell myself that everything will be just fine. since you told me that everything will be beautiful in time, i do believe and have faith in you.

but time after time, you still let me cry my eyes out till dawn fall.

it's not fair to see how you keep everything sweet to anyone else but me.

it's not fair to see how you let me sink in my own tears.

i may be a sinner. i may not a sweet beautiful angel who spreads love and affection to others. i may cause tears to someone i care. but do i really need to deserve this, dear G? so many people i see, worst than what you fear, but you hug them tightly. how do i suppose to feel to see you do this, dear G?

Nevertheless i keep telling myself that rejection won't keep me drop and ejection won't keep me stop.

But then here we go again, you make me see everything seem so difficult to reach. i feel like being pressed to the bottom till i can't pop myself up again.

Have you not forgetting me, dear G?

will it satisfy you to see me cry again? will it entertain you to see my tears rolling down?

i may be a sinner, but i do many good things just to make sure you pay attention to me. i even cry in my prayer in case you don't get enough tears to see.

i m so tired, dear G. tired of crying, tired of feeling bad, tired of feeling down, tired of getting headache, tired of being ashamed, tired of thinking that i am nothing, tired of seeing somebody else's happiness. i m tired of being myself.

have you ignored me, dear G?

have you abandoned me?

have you let me by myself?

the more i feel down, the more i hate you, but the more i hurt inside.

the more i hurt, the more tears i have.

have you enjoyed seeing me in the edge of my sanity?

i see the cloudy thing above me and my sight is covered by mist.

mist of too much tears.

don't let me wait too long, dear G, unless you'd like to see me crawl with bloody teardrops just to reach my own happiness.

i don't like whining but what do you think i suppose to do after what i have been through? i am just an ordinary human, i m not a saint like you.

so tell me, dear G, do you love me or not?