Dear Love

It has been such a long time I keep this for myself.

I tell nobody except me and them. But not you and them.

why? because I am afraid that you will be scared and go away from me.

If you go, I will lose you.

If I lose you, I will feel so sad and I may cry.

So, I let you think that nothing is happening between us.

I think that you will not figure out something different in my face when I look at you or when you look at me.

I think that everything is not going to change, not a bit.

I bury this feeling so that I can be near you. So that I can talk to you and laugh with you.

I bury this feeling so that you can talk to me, stand by me, look at me, and stay with me.

I know that may sound silly.

But I just want you to feel that I am not changed at all.

I want you to think that I am the same person you know few years ago.

And I think, if you know that I am not changed at all, you will still stay with me.

But now it seems that everything has been messed up..

Everyone starts to feel something different everytime we do something together.

I am afraid.

I am scared.

And I started to think that you started to move back that time.

I thought that I would lose you.

But then here you come again.

You are still the same person I knew since a few years ago, but with a bit change.

You say no rejection although you seem to be so further.

And we act like nothing ever happened.

You are still there and I am still here.

But they start to think that something sweet in the air is falling to us.

I don't say no and neither do you.

What do you have in mind, dear love?

Dear G

Will you listen when I talk to you again, dear G?

I don't want to whine again. No, not that.

I just need to talk to you; face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart, You to me.

It was a busy noisy time when we talked last time, I admit.

I couldn't find you among all the silly things that came to disturb us.

How I wish I could stop them making me nuts.

How I wish everything were silent.

So that there would be only you and I, talking to each other; heart to heart.

Just like what you always want, right dear G?

I knew that you were standing there in front of me while they were passing through.

I knew that you were looking at me when I called you.

I knew that you were reaching out your hands when I was confused.

I knew that you were waiting for me there.

But did you even talk last time? I couldnt hear any word.

Or I just couldn't listen to your voice?

Maybe something's wrong in my ears. Or in my heart. Or in my brain. Or in my everything.

I don't know, you tell me, dear G.

I was hoping you could sit beside me and listened to everything I said.

I know, all this time, I am the one who do the talking and you do the listening.

But I know you don't mind, you love listening to me, do you?

You love it when I come to you, do you?

I know that, because you always look sad if I am not there when you look around.

I can feel your tears as the rain fall down to earth.

I don't have the answer why I always leave you.

I hurt you so bad, but you always shower me with affection.

I know you love me, because if you don't, I won't be here now.

Sometimes I wonder, why do you still keep me even when you know that I am bad?

So, I want to talk to you because I miss you.

It has been a while I don't hear your voice and it is killing me.

It has been a while we don't share about things in this world.

It has been a while I don't listen to what you say.

This time I promise, I will silence those silly noisy busy things.

I will let you come to me.

I will let you do the talking.

I will listen to your voice.

This time, it will be just for you and I.

So, will you listen when I talk to you again, dear G?