Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Tuhan, aku takut.
How to tell you my fear when I'm actually too scared to even think about it?
It's like I cry myself out every time I want to sleep.
Every night, when half of the world is having a dream, I whimper.
I know this feeling because I haven't gone further.
I know I just need to keep having faith.
I know you'll always got me every time I fall.
Dan seperti yang Kau lihat, Tuhan, I still have it in me.
I've saved some of my strength from the past for this.
I know I shouldn't have wasted every single second for such useless weariness.
But sometimes I feel so scared and feel so stranded that I want to hold You and cry on Your shoulder, God.
If not to You, to whom else I can, God?
Do I have to keep acting like this strong happy person I've been?
I'm tired of being tough and fearless this time, God.
Please, I beg You, may I rest a while and cry?
Right now, I just want to be hugged gently, being kissed on my forehead, and being whispered to my ear: "It's alright, Pam, everything's going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually."
Right now, I just want my hand to be held and my step to be led.
And when I think I'm failed again, I want to be comforted, be smiled at, and be told: "It's okay, Pam. It's just another simulation."
I'm scared that I will have to fight by myself, God.
I'm scared that I will have no shoulder to cry on.
I'm scared of being left by the one I've been hoping for.
I'm scared of being pushed to the limit and can't pull myself back again.
I'm scared that what I've been praying for is not going to be an answer.
I'm scared of losing what I've been taking care for.
I'm scared of being a stranger to the one that I close to.
I'm scared of being like a rotten fish.
Tak bolehkah aku meminta agar doaku dikabulkan segera, Tuhan?
Aku rindu, Tuhan.
It feels like driving alone at night when it's raining outside and there's no good music to comfort inside.
It feels like coming home to a quiet house after having a blast.
It feels like going back to the places you've been to with the one you care most, but this time you go back there by yourself.
Kenapa rasanya berat sekali, Tuhan?
It makes me feel like walking through crowded but everyone is a stranger.
Once I was told that when you speak from your heart and say the words your soul has only dared to whisper, that's when miracles happen.
I always say it in every breath I take, God.
It stays in my mind like the air I need to keep me alive.
It squeezes my heart like I almost reach something at a distance.
It's like peeling the shallot, can't do it without having any tear.
Will this past too, God?
Because every cloud has a silver lining.