“Say what?!” I shrieked on the phone.
“Sheesh! You sure have a big issue with your ears.” He teased me. When he was about to repeat his last words, I cut in.
“Yosh! I heard the first one alright!” I said angrily. I didn’t have any problem with my ears. They were clean. And my voice was alright. I just had a problem with the news that he brought into my ears. “Well, good luck.” I spoke weakly. “I got to go now. My computer is error again. Bye!!!” I hang up the phone before he had answered. I knew it, if I was late for even a second only, he would rub it in. I went back to my computer and stared at the screen that full of words about our Land Reform homework. But all those letters just flew around my head. I couldn’t get my concentration anymore. My brain was filled with what he had said to me.
That day was Bara’s 20th birthday. I had imagined celebrating his birthday with all the fun. I felt completely happy until he told me that news. I called him on the phone to wish him a happy birthday that morning. We talked this and that until he suddenly asked me to do him a favor.
“Wen, I kinda like a girl but I am afraid to ask her out. You are also a girl, so I bet you know what girls want, don’t you? Can you please help me? You know, so that I can say or do something to win her heart.”
I was shocked and still could not believe it. I never knew he was close with other girl. Wait a minute, was it Diane? She was in the same reading club with him. They spent time quiet often some times. Or was it Sofie? They were neighbors. Or who else could it be? I couldn’t believe I was nothing to him. I thought he liked me. Apparently, he just wanted to be friend with me. I should have known that. I remembered the first time we met. It was in semester 1, first year of campus. We met by chance in the Medan State Court because of the homework given by our lecturer. We were told to get a sufficient judgment from the state court and analyzed it. We sat on a long bench, looked at each other, and confused just like two people with amnesia disease. Among everyone there, he was the only one I recognized. Then he came toward me and said “Hi”. Then we made an appointment to do that homework together. It made us met regularly and we became closer ever since.
Bara and I were perfect match. And it seemed that we liked each other as well. We even completed each other. He liked making jokes and I liked laughing. I liked talking and he liked listening. I was a bored person and he was full of surprises. I felt like thunder was roaring in my tummy. I couldn’t believe he saw someone else. I meant, seriously, what was I to him?? Just a partner in doing lecture homework?? I kept asking myself why he didn’t pick me. What was wrong between us? I thought everything went well. Didn’t he realize the strange pleasant feeling that happened between us every time we were together?! So what did he call it last time when I wasted my precious sleeping time because I stayed up till 2 a.m. to listen to his unhappy feeling due to the lost of his favorite football team in a match??
And if he just remembered the sacrifice I had been because of the silly book which he recognized just by the color of its cover! We covered almost all area, started from book stores in Gajah Mada, Zainul Arifin to Jalan Salak and Titi Gantung. Not to mention all the book stores that I just knew they were exist. If I were him, I would just search for it in internet. But I kept accompanying him after all. Did he think I would do that if I didn’t have any feeling for him?? I had been in great pain just to be with him but those sure were good old days. I hated him so much. I felt like he grabbed my heart from my chest and pulled it out, squeezed it and left it just like that on a cold dark empty street. That was it. Then I went to campus. I saw him in the parking lot. It seemed to me that he was waiting for someone, probably the girl that he talked about that morning.
“Hi!” he greeted me as I came with an unhappy look on my face. “Say, are you ok?”
”Never better.” I replied and grinned at him. He stared at me, tried to read my mind. “Nothing to worry about. Everything is under control.” I added quickly before he had said anything. I even gave him a big smile and a big thumb up.
“I know this expression. It’s not like I knew you yesterday.” he said.
”I am fine.” I said firmly.
“I know there’s something wrong from the big smile you gave me. And the big thumb up? Oh, come on, you don’t think it works on me, do you?”
“I am fine!” I said again.
“Is it something to do with what I said this morning?” he confirmed.
”Whattt?? Nooo!!” I scoffed. “There is nothing to do with that. Why would it be something to do with what you said?? I don’t care about you dating with who ever.” I started to splutter. “If it is fine with you, it will be fine with me. End of discussion.”
He stared at me for a while before asking. “Are you ok?”
“Ya!” I said quickly. “Why would I not be ok??” He looked pondering for a while. “Don’t you have a class in a minute?” I reminded him, tried to change the topic.
“Can we meet by lunch time?” he asked as he looked at his watch. “You sure you can help me out, right?” he winked at me as he went to his class.
“Sure.” I replied with a grin on my face and gave him another big thumb up. I sighed as he turned his back on me. But I didn’t want to see him at lunch time. I didn’t want to hear him talking about that girl. I didn’t want to know anything about how he felt about that girl. So I walked in a rush. But suddenly my hand was pulled.
“Hi.” he greeted with a big smile on his face. “What’s the rush??” I kept silent. “Oh, I know, got to go, huh??” I gave him a “Black mood” look. “What’s wrong? Something I say? Or maybe my breath stinks? I brushed my teeth twice this morning, you know?” he grinned.
“Like I would care.” I scoffed. I was in a snit. As if he didn’t care a thing about how I was feeling, he just took my hand. I haven’t said anything and he already took me to the cafeteria. While he was ordering our lunch, I still kept my mouth shut. I looked at him hesitantly. I was eager to ask him about how he was feeling about me. But was it realistic if I asked him that? Logically, I was his best friend, and he might say he liked me. But did it really like-like or just like? Did his heart beat faster when he thought of me or spoke my name?
“Ok, spit it out.” He said suddenly.
“Huh??”
“Tell me, what is it?”
“What???”
“Oh come on, it’s not like I knew you yesterday. I know that look.” He said and pointed at my face. I wondered if my face talked better than my mouth.
“I am fine.” I said as I sighed.
“If you have any problem, don’t be shy; just tell me, maybe I can help. But even if I can’t, we can solve it together, can’t we?” he said gently and smiled at me. So I thought I would just let him know. But before I had said anything, our order came and he ate it as if it was the last food on earth. I lost my appetite. I was fed up by my thoughts already. “What’s with you? Toothache? Stomachache?” then he laughed in a sudden. “I know, you must forget to brush your teeth, mustn’t you?? C’mon tell me, it’s ok, just between you and me, am I right????” he whispered and giggled as he nudged me playfully. I looked at him with a wicked expression. “See? That’s one starving look.” He pointed at my face. “Eat.”
No, it was not that kind of look. I really wanted him to know how I felt about him. I didn’t care if he mad or else. I just wanted him to know my confession. That’s all. I didn’t intend to ruin his date with that girl, who ever she was.
“So…” said both of us together in a sudden.
“You go first.” I offered him.
“No, you go first.” He refused.
“No, I insist.” I said firmly.
“If you insist.” He said as he cleared his throat. “It’s about that girl. What do you think I must do to let her know how I feel for her?”
“How should I know?!” I scoffed, again.
“Oh come on, Wendy, you are a girl yourself. You must know what girls like and don’t. I am so confused how to tell her that I like her. She is such a difficult person to understand. Sometimes she is like an open book, but on the other day, she is like a deep blue ocean. Mysterious. I don’t know what to do. …”
I was sitting there, listening to him with my broken heart. Neither did I know what to do. He was a best friend of mine. If I didn’t help him with that, did I still act like one? I was so confused. But I didn’t want to have this broken heart either. “Well, I am not every woman. But if you ask me, I will be very happy if someone can carry me piggy back.” I said playfully.
“Seriously?” he asked with a serious surprise look on his face.
I took time to be quiet. Why would I tell him the things to help him win that girl’s heart? If I told him that, would it never hurt me? What would happen to me if he finally dated her? Would I still be his best girl? Then I realized. It was not always about me and myself. Best friend didn’t think like that. I felt so silly and awful. It was like you were so sick and you had to take big size of bitter pill. It was hard to chew, difficult to swallow, and then it was stuck in your throat that made you needed a big glass of water to let it in. So I took the glass in front of me and drank all of the water before saying. “You can give her attention, just like telling her how pretty she is today or you like her hair, she smells good, or anything you can think of to let her know that you pay attention to her.”
He looked thinking for a while before saying. “Tsk! That’s too common. I am afraid she will think that I am a sweet talker.” Then he looked at me deeply. “Just tell me about yourself. What can make you love someone?”
“Well… “I pondered for a while. “I like some one who knows how to make me laugh when I am sad and feeling down. It feels good when your heart is uplifted again. It feels nice to be able to smile after had cried a lot. Especially if the person who cheers you up is someone who cares about you a lot. The best part is… ” I started to think to tell him the truth from there. But would I become so pathetic if I told him that? He liked somebody else after all. So it was no use to tell him how I felt. I would just make matters worse.
“What??” he couldn’t wait to know what was the best part.
“No, just it.”
“Just it?” he asked hesitantly.
“Oh, if possible, I want to be carried piggy back as well!” I added as I scoffed. He laughed.
“Thanks, Wendy. You’re the best.” He said as he finished his lunch. “I’d better think of some jokes now. I am going to visit her tonight.”
“It may not work on her, but you get nothing to lose if you try.” I said and smiled. “Good luck!” If only he could see that I was torturing inside.
___________
I was sitting on the terrace of my house and looking at the moon that night as I was writing on my diary. Just thinking about him dating the girl that time made me feel pity on myself. What had I done?? Everything would change ever since he dated that girl. If I kept on helping him like that, when would I take my turn? If he wasn’t mine that time, he might not be mine for a life time. Did I really want to take the risk of losing him forever?
Then my cell phone rang. It was him. He probably wanted to ask for another suggestion.
“Yes, Bar?” I answered, trying so hard to sound like a happy person.
“Are you ok?” he asked.
“Yes, I am.” I answered. Then tears fell from my eyes in a sudden. But I tried my best to sound like there’s nothing wrong.
“Really??”
“Ya, why would I not be ok?” that was one annoying question that he liked to ask me lately. “What does it matter to you how I am?!”
“Because I think my cell phone is leaking.”
I rolled my eyes. “You are impossible. How come it’s leaking?”
“Because you are crying.” He said in a soft low tone. I surprised. How did he find out that I was crying? He must be somewhere close. Then I looked at him, standing in front of the gate of my house. He climbed up the gate to get inside.
“Why did you do that?!” I said angrily as I pondered why he was in my house. Probably the girl rejected him and he wanted to ask for more advice. “Why are you here??” Second thought, he might want to tell me that my advice had brought him to a success and he just dated that girl.
“To carry you piggy back for sure. “ He replied with a big smile and a funny look on his face as he sat beside me.
“Silly.” I rolled my eyes again.
“You know, you see everything through a small hole on the wall while someone has offered you a door to enter and see it all.” He said. I stared at him, surprised by his words. “Do you think I don’t know you after all the times we spend together?”
“Now what do you mean by that? I don’t peep at anyone, especially you. Did you just say that I am a Peeping Tom?” I said angrily but he laughed.
“Every time I speak with you, I think so hard to find any good jokes just to see a wide upward curve on your lips but I always end up laughing by your funny spontaneous words.” He said after had finished laughing. “Oh well, at least I’ve tried.” He sighed. I stared at him, trying to figure out what he’s trying to say. “I may not good at making you laugh…. “ He said again. “… but if you want to be carried piggy back…” He continued and bowed in front of me. ”I am ready.” He added.
“Silly.” I said, but as I looked at his funny face, I couldn’t help smiling.
“Oh you smile! Well, it’s about time.” He said and looked at me gently as he held my hand. I held my breath, suddenly realized that I was the girl that he talked about.
The end
